


All I Need Is To Look In Your Eyes

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Apologies, Confessions, Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Hugs, Light Angst, M/M, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24006049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Buck and Eddie have a much needed talk and apologies are made.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 261





	All I Need Is To Look In Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Something short as I try to write through my grief.

Eddie can tell there's something on Buck's mind. His whole body seems to be radiating tension, he won't hold Eddie's gaze, and he's quiet. He's barely said ten words since he got here, and that was half an hour ago.

And that's the biggest red flag of all that something is up. Buck always breaks the silence one way or another, but not tonight. 

"Hey," Eddie says, nudging Buck's leg with his foot. Buck glances up before his eyes drop right back down to the bottle in his hands. Eddie sighs. "Buck, what's going on?"

"Why would you think something is going on?"

"Because you're quiet," Eddie replies. "Too quiet. It's not like you. You always have something to say."

"Maybe I'm just trying not to be so exhausting and selfish, not make things about me," Buck mutters. 

Eddie reels back like he's been slapped. "Buck you're not selfish."

"That's not what you thought a few months ago."

Eddie remembers their fight in the store. Of course he does. He's gone over it in his head so many times about what he could have said differently. He had no idea Buck was still holding onto all that. 

"Buck, you know I didn't mean any of that," Eddie says. "And I'm so sorry. I…"

"But you weren't wrong!" Buck says, his voice rising. It's a good thing Christopher isn't here so they can hash out whatever this is without worrying about him hearing. "I do make things about me. I try to do good and people just wind up being hurt. It's why everyone always leaves, and I'm always the one that gets left behind."

So that's what this is about. Buck's still worried about ending up like Red.

"Buck, I'm not going anywhere," Eddie tells him. 

"But you almost did!" Buck shouts. He sighs and runs a hand down his face when Eddie startles back at the sudden outburst. "You did, Eddie. And I get why you did it. I'm not mad. But I almost lost you that night. And you don't know what that was like. How that felt, to know you were down there and I couldn't do anything to help. It was like my heart was down there with you. And then suddenly everything is supposed to go back to normal like it never happened. And I can't..."

“No one expects you to just forget it happened,” Eddie assures him.

“Don’t they?” Buck says, his laughter sounding slightly bitter. “Everyone always expects me to just bounce back and keep smiling right?”

“Buck…”

“And then I feel so selfish,” Buck continues as if Eddie hadn’t said anything. “Because  _ you _ were the one down there. I just almost lost my… my…” His hands wave and he groans, clearly frustrated. 

It would be cute, if Eddie wasn't so concerned.

“Your what?” Eddie asks him quietly. He has a feeling. He has for a while. It's just always been this unspoken thing between them. Like so many other things they should have talked about sooner.

"You know," Buck whispers. He lifts his eyes to meet Eddie's and Eddie's heart breaks at the pain he sees there. "You have to know."

Eddie moves closer and pulls Buck into his arms. That's all it takes for Buck to break. He clutches to Eddie like he's a lifeline, and Eddie holds him just as tightly. 

"I'm sorry," he says, speaking the words into Buck's skin and hoping they burrow down deep, so he'll always know. "I do know, and I'm sorry."

"Eddie you don't have to…"

"I do," Eddie cuts in. "I should have apologized a long time ago. I guess I just...I thought you knew. But I still should have said it. Like so many other things."

"Like what?" Buck asks. He pulls back enough to look at him, and Eddie smiles, brushing his fingers across his cheeks and wiping away his tears. 

"Like how important you are to me," Eddie tells him. "How much I care about you. How much you mean to me, and Christopher. We'd be lost without Buck.  _ I _ would be."

"I think we saw how much that feeling's mutual when you got trapped underground," Buck says. 

"I know," Eddie says, face turning serious. Bobby had told Eddie about Buck's reaction and afterwards had made him promise to take care of him. Eddie had. At the time everything had still been so fresh. So raw. Buck hadn't left his side that night, and had stuck by him pretty closely in the days since. But he'd seemed fine. Eddie mentally kicks himself for not seeing how much Buck has clearly been hurting. 

"I know, Evan," Eddie continues. "And I'm sorry I put you through that. But I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, okay? You have me. Always."

Three words hang unspoken in the air between them. One day they'll say them, when they're not so raw and exposed. For now they stay close together, breathing each other in. It's enough. 

When Buck whispers "you have me too" before he kisses his palm it feels bigger. It eases the weight in Eddie's chest and he knows they're going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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